been feeling pretty terrible this past week.
i’m not sure what it is, but i’m over feeling this way.

just made this goofy image for some work bake off
which i refer to as an ultimate baking throwdown

altering google images with crappy paint, will never get old.

today i take action.

mlk day. day of service. i dedicate my service time to me. i spend too much time thinking of others.

today was a big day, a perfect day to end a big week-

woken up at 730 by my dear friend screaming that it was GARAGE SALE TIME!
and some nonsense that i’ve now forgotten – put away and wish to never remember.
almost two hours later the adventure began.
first- bank, cash check. done.
second find these garage sales that d had written directions to on a small legal pad of yellow paper.
simple enough.
BUT to our dismay, garage sales don’t happen when it’s raining, it wasn’t – but the past two days have been flooded with nonstop drizzle and ugh.

so- first one, cancelled – no sign of apology or keep away, but we pressed on.
the second was awkward and in a tiny living room- where the ‘salesperson’ kept insisting that there were so many good finds, there weren’t but i walked away with a snail brooch that i will wear with pride and love til i inevitably lose it.
we continue down to south austin – next garage sale- no where in sight- no sign saying cancelled, postponed or simply “sorry”

we were not discouraged, yet.

fourth try, we headed to east austin- RAIN OR SHINE this ad said, but it should have said “RAIN OR SHINE, the stuff we’re selling will still SUCK”

THEN we decided to head to the blue hanger – a huge warehouse full of bins of clothes, clothes that were unloved at the ‘regular’ goodwill stores, and thrown into bins in east austin, where people now fight for them- at 1.49 an article.

so, today i started my christmas sweater collection that i’ve always/never wanted.

it was a weird situation to walk into- people lined up, some bins were full, some where empty – but there was this weird feeling that something was about to happen- i had no idea.

this is how i remember it:
from the warehouse doors, blue bins come out, one after another- clothes are throw into the wooden containers- blue bins return to their home and a buzzer goes off- GO! the people who just seemed to be waiting for nothing RUN to the newly dispersed clothes and go at it! rummaging through the clothes, filling carts, fabric seems to be flying!
amazed.

i was afraid of being trampled or engaging in some battle over a sweater- each person pulling at a sleeve- and finally giving up when the sweater rips or a new garment catches my eye. not worth it.

we ended up doing it AGAIN at the ‘tech’ warehouse- full of nonsense junk & toys- this time we took part in the buzzer run- people are ruthless! but i claimed a fabulous framed mirror that everyone seemed to pass over, lucky me! this time the items were weighed – 1.49/lb.

so many great deals today.
spent 80 bucks (also including a trip to a store, where the clothes were new)
came home with:
8 new tops
3 skirts
5 christmas sweaters
2 mirrors
not bad- i say.

today’s lesson- i don’t want to shop at another goodwill warehouse for a few months, if ever. but it was a great observation experience – people are crazy, and i remember now why i keep my distance.

Bad advice: the excuse for why it’s not my fault.
I resolve to no longer take advice from people
There’s a lifetime long list of decisions aided by the help of fine upstanding individuals, but for me the outcome was less than ideal.
Maybe I resolve to have a higher respect for my own brash decisions, holding myself more accountable and responsible for my own actions, and less reliant on the approval of others.

Should I write about this in my blog?
WHAT?! I wasn’t asking YOU!…. YES. YES I SHOULD.

I was sitting on bus one (of two, eventually 3) chatzin away on gchatz and all of a sudden I see a mirror graze the window near me.. and as the bus progressed forward, the mirror keeps sliding back until there was a POP. The bus driver made some noise- thinking that the hooligans in the back dropped something- and after MUCH discussion he finally believed us that he had hit a HUGE truck and the back window cracked. IT WASN’T OUR FAULT.

I sat there while he chatted with capmetro, talked to the guy behind us in traffic and wrote down some nonsense. It was raining, of course. I had plans to meet friends and time was definitely an issue- so I hopped off the bus, walked up the road and stood at another stop- creating my own detour- which took me to bus #2, now #3 and I arrived home in a timely matter.

The bus driver did ask if any of us saw anything. I told him I did, he said “YOU DID?!” almost in a manner in which I questioned if I did, or made me reconsider if I should be saying anything –or if he wanted us to even answer. So when I evacuated the bus, much like 15 other people did- I felt as if I bailed a house fire, leaving one mean, but loveable… bulldog behind.

The bus I rode this morning had the same bus driver. Glad he got to keep his job, but was switched the morning route. I like riding the same bus at about the same time everyday- the same characters ride it with me.

A few of them I see regularly fit these descriptions…
- The lady who is overly dressed- wearing too many scarves, too many jackets and has trouble sitting down-
-the ‘thugish’ characters, too cool for the bus, waddling to the back barely holding up their jeans
-the sisters, or cousins- that no matter how warm it is- sit way to close and huddle very close and whisper in Spanish.
-the lady who wears way too much makeup- which makes her look older than she actually is- or maybe that’s the cigarettes.
-the old man who can barely stay awake long enough to swipe his card, find his seat- oh he’s out.
- the youngsters- which weren’t present today- no school
-the blind man- who is blind when crossing the street, blind when sitting- but I saw him at Whataburger last week and seems to get around just fine.
-the person who sits too close, and smells bad- every bus has one.
-OH the lady who talks on her cell phone too loud.. “I GOT A NEW CELL PHONE, I DON’T EVEN KNOW THE NUMBER, WHAT YOU CAN TELL ME THE NUMBER? I DON’T HAVE A PEN.” ….. “I GOT A NEW PLAN TOO, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT IT.” Or sometimes it’s in a different language, and it’s less annoying.
-& let us not forget the drunk transient – drinking liquor from a Gatorade bottle, who’s calling it iced tea.

not sure if what i’m waiting for will ever arrive- but what can be done.

new year.
i resolve to quit smoking, again. i was good for 8 months, but now i’m shooting for 12.
keep my home tidy
cook more meals
and drink less in a sitting than i usually do.
that’s all.
seems easy enough.

spend yesterday afternoon making tamales, cooking spanish rice -
and today i spent my time eating it all
and will spend next week working it all off.

new year. how you come so quickly and leave me wanting.
feels so silly to not be able to accomplish what you want during 365 days you dedicate to improving some quality of life, or reaching a goal.
365 days to make a promise to yourself only to realize that you’ve, once again, failed yourself.